We are told, and many believe, that we can be anything we want to be. We do this by looking inside ourselves and determining who we are. We then are told to present our identity, boldly and unapologetically to the world. Then the world is supposed to affirm and support our chosen identity. Yet this seems a bit cruel considering how harsh and unforgiving this world can be. In elementary school, I loved to play sports. My favorite sport was basketball.
At that time in my community there were no organized leagues or youth teams, so I played pick up ball with friends, neighbors or with classmates during recess. Over the years I developed some skills and saw myself becoming a professional basketball player. When I got into junior high school and went out for the basketball team, I couldn’t even make the varsity squad. Until that moment I had not been confronted by the limitations of my gene pool. Unfortunately, no one in my family tree was over 6 feet tall and our wingspan, although proportionate, was also far below average. My chosen, perhaps naïve, sense of identity took a major hit.
Amidst my disappointment, a friend invited me to compete in a wrestling tournament. On a whim I agreed. Other than getting in a few scuffles I had never wrestled before. I did not have any of the gear, so I wrestled in a pair of running shoes, shorts and a t-shirt. I didn’t even understand the rules or how to score points. To everyone’s surprise I took home a bronze medal at my weight class. It was explained to me that this was a prestigious competition — my friend did not even place in the tournament.
Long story short, five years later I pinned my opponent in the state finals and earned a full ride athletic scholarship to attend college. Wrestling opened doors and taught me a great deal about life — I am extremely thankful. However, I never really wanted to wrestle and still occasionally fantasize about playing in the NBA. It’s curious that wrestling, which was never my chosen pursuit, became a part of my identity.
I think this is a common narrative. I have heard several accounts of people discovering their identity and purpose in life on the way to a place to which they never arrived. I am surrounded by young people making consequential decisions regarding their future. I encourage them to pursue their passions, but also remind them that life is not so much about determining who we are as it is about discovering our place and purpose in this world. Where and how we can make a meaningful contribution. Some of the best advice I have heard given to young people is to focus on micro goals and remain open to opportunities that emerge. The fact is our identity and purpose in life are not static and change or evolve over time.
I liked your blog on wrestling today David….Having grown up in Iowa I know all about that sport….it always seemed that the wrestling coach was also the Physed teacher….so we had to wrestle in PE whether you liked it or not….most of us were on the NOT LIKE SIDE!!! He would divide us into 2 groups according to size and put us on opposite sides of that hot sweaty room that felt like a bomb shelter that every HS in Iowa has…you would have to wrestle whoever set opposite of you….no matter that it was someone you may not have particularly got along with in the hallways…I guess I lived!!! Thanks for the memories….John Irving the great novelist went to the University of Iowa and was also a wrestler which often pops up in his great writings….I don’t mind reading about wrestling LOL!